My Ignorance Destroy My Marriage, A Mother Lament

Marriage Motivation


How I ignorantly married a second wife for my husband… A lesson from a Mother:
This is the story of my life and I’ve decided to’ tell it today because my daughter is about or let me say she’s already making the same mistake I made about 30 years ago. I got married at a very tender age, I became a wife at age 17, my father owns a Masjid where all community members pray and he is the Imam till date. He married off his daughters at an early age and according to Islamic rights, we are 5 girls and each of us were asked to choose our spouses, none were forced. I completed my degree and even obtained my second degree in my husband’s houses, and later had my PhD. He loved me dearly and cared for me so much, he made me whom I am today, he saw me through my career, I studied Business administration all through and Alhamdulillah I’m doing fine in my line of business today.
I pushed him into the hands of another woman, I was always busy. Whenever I was away from home, I would ask either my younger sister to go home and help me prepare food for my husband and kids or my friend. Even when I was home I had no time for my kids, and I saw nothing wrong in my friend or sisters dishing my husband’s meal. I saw us as one, but little did I know that I was selling my home to another woman. My husband always complained then about it, but I never paid attention and never changed. I taught he was just being too troublesome…
It got to time I would travel weeks, come back and still meet the food I prepared for my family and preserved in the fridge untouched. Whereas I’ll find fresh food cooked in the kitchen… One day I asked my first daughter why they didn’t eat from the food in the fridge and she said “Nothing mom”. After she left I overheard her and her siblings say “mommy doesn’t know that Aunty Habbibah cooks better than her, mom can’t understand that Aunty Habbibah’s (my friend) food is sweeter than hers even Aunty Sumaiyah’s (my sister) food, she’ll kill us if we ever tell her”. Tears dripped down my cheeks if my own children could say this, then what could be running through their father’s head. I went straight into the comfort of my room and wept profusely. I prepared dinner that night, my husband said he was full and needed no dinner, my children said they have no appetite but would prefer Garri and fried fish. That was when I realized I’d failed both as a wife and as a mother. The next morning we all had bread and tea at breakfast. My kids returned to boarding school, they didn’t finish their holiday at home, they said they had work to do at school (I knew they lied) but I didn’t question them because I knew what their reason was and I never wanted them to say it to my face.
I decided to cancel most of my business trips especially the ones outside the country, I decided to stay home and care for my husband, but it was too late. My husband preferred my friend’s food compared to mine. I asked my friend to stop coming over to my house, and also told my sister the same. My husband started keeping late nights, at times he doesn’t come home, only for me to find out he had married my friend about 3 years ago. Aqid Nikkah, my friend told me about her Aqid Nikkah then but I was out of the country then and couldn’t attend but I never knew the groom was my own husband. Whenever I asked her about her husband she would say “he’s out of the country, he doesn’t have a particular number, I would have given you his line, but I’ll ask him to call you” that was always her excuse… I felt betrayed and packed out of my husband’s house. He begged me to come back, but I refused. I wanted him to miss me, I wanted him to feel how much he hurt me. But by the time I would come back home, my friend had moved in fully. My remaining things were already moved to the storeroom. She had taken over everything that belonged to me, I realized I had no stay in that house. I refused to leave my Matrimonial home for her, but my husband was so fond of her and forgotten all about us (me) already. I couldn’t stand the humiliation and embarrassment I just had to leave.
My friend had 3 kids for my husband, one of them were sick and needed a blood transfusion, my husband was out of town. He called and pleaded that I should please allow our son donate blood to his sibling, since the other two kids from her were still too young and not advisable for them to donate blood to their brother. I agreed on the condition that I must be present at the hospital, a blood sample was collected for scanning and test, their blood group didn’t match, but same genotype, same with our second child up to the 5th one, non matched. My husband had to come home, but before he could get to the hospital, the sick boy kicked the bucket. My husband out of curiosity demanded a DNA test, and the result showed that the 3 boys my friend had for him were not his. Hmm sister Mobolaji, these kids (3 boys) were the reason my husband refused to accept me and neglected my kids and I ( I have 4 girls and 1 boy). Our family doctor who carried out the DNA test was the biological father of those kids, he confirmed it when he said “I didn’t manipulate the result because I realized this is the best time to let the cat out of the bag and I did it for my late son, I can’t bear to lose another one”. My husband was holding a key holder, the Keyholder has nail cutter, he struck the doctor with its blade in his chest and also on his neck. He fell and was bleeding so much, commotion everywhere as junior doctors and nurses rushed him straight to the theatre. My husband was apprehended immediately at the crime scene. Our family lawyer tried his best, he was discharged and acquainted… He was never the same, we lost him 2 years after the incident. Every morning I wake up, I blame myself for everything, my parents, husband warned me against what I was doing back then, how I do leave my home in the care of another woman. I never bothered, I trusted too much… My home was never my priority, I realized my mistakes when it was too too too late… My daughter got married last four month, I visited her and her husband last month, and I saw her friend dishing out meal from their pot for herself though, I talked to her about it, and she said, in fact, she helps me in dishing meal for my husband too. She’s a friend like a sister, she can’t betray me….. I’ve warned her against doing such, in fact, your sister/cousin/friend has no right to enter your bedroom not to talk of laying on your bed, it’s your matrimonial bed not hers. Your matrimonial bed is meant for you and your husband alone, no one else has the right to enter it, even a co-wife has limits in your room… Little do we wives know that dishing and serving our husbands has a connection which grows into an unbreakable bond.. Men love the hands that serve and feeds them more. Serve your husband yourself and with a smiling face, even if you’re serving him Garri, give him with a smile, sit with him, gist him, tell him stories, keep his company… That was my advice to her, I wish all ladies can hide to this advice…

How many ladies of today does this? Even if your husband will marry more than one wife, don’t let it be from your failure to keep your home, don’t let it be from negligence, be guided and take your husband as your primary priority…

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